How to Building Confidence | Dr. Ivan Joseph’s TEDx talk (part 2), Career Near Me

Find yourself a confidence role-model.

Ideally this will be someone that you see regularly, a work colleague, a family member or a friend - somebody with a lot of self-confidence who you'd like to mirror. Observe them and notice how they behave when they are being confident. How do they move, how do they speak, what do they say and when? How do they behave when faced with a problem or mistake? How do they interact with other people and how do others react to them?

If possible talk to them to learn more about how they think and what makes them tick.

Speaking to and being around people who are confident will usually help you to feel more confident. Learn from others who are successful in fulfilling the tasks and goals that you wish to achieve - let their confidence rub off on you.

As you become more confident then offer help and advice, become a role-model for somebody less confident.

Experience.
As we successfully complete tasks and goals, our confidence that we can complete the same and similar tasks again increases.

A simple example of this is driving a car. Most people who have been driving for some time do so almost automatically - they don't have to think about which peddle to push or how to handle a junction in the road, they just do it. This contrasts to a learner driver who will probably feel nervous and have to concentrate hard. The learner lacks experience and therefore confidence in their ability to drive.

Gaining experience and taking the first step can, however, be very difficult. Often the thought of starting something new is worse than actually doing it. This is where preparation, learning and thinking positively can help.

Break roles and tasks down into small achievable goals. Make each one of your goals fit SMART criteria. That is to make goals Specific, Measurable, Attainable, Realistic and Timed. Our page Setting Personal Goals explains this in more detail.

Whatever you do, aim to become as good as you can. The better you are at doing something the more confident you become.

Be Assertive
Being assertive means standing up for what you believe in and sticking to your principles.

Being assertive also means that you can change your mind if you believe it is the right thing to do, not because you are under pressure from somebody else.

Assertiveness, confidence and self-esteem are all very closely linked - usually people become naturally more assertive as they develop their confidence.

Keep Calm.
There is usually a correlation between confidence and calmness.

If you feel confident about a task then you will likely feel calm about doing it. When you feel less confident you are more likely to be stressed or nervous.

Trying to remain calm, even when you're under stress and pressure, will tend to make you feel more confident.

Avoid Arrogance.
Arrogance is detrimental to interpersonal relationships.

As your confidence grows and you become successful, avoid feeling or acting superior to others. Remember - nobody is perfect and there is always more that you can learn. Celebrate your strengths and successes, and recognise your weaknesses and failures. Give others credit for their work - use compliments and praise sincerely. Be courteous and polite, show an interest in what others are doing, ask questions and get involved.

Developing Your Self-Confidence Skills.
Self-confidence can diminish over time if you don't practise your skills or if you hit set-backs. As you become more self-confident you should continue to practise your skills to maintain and boost your confidence further.

Set yourself 'confidence targets' that require you to step out of your comfort zone and do things that make you feel a degree of nervousness or apprehension.

Potential confidence targets may include.

Start a task or project that you've been putting off for a long time. Often we put off starting important tasks because they seem overwhelming, difficult or awkward to complete. Simply making a start on such a task can boost confidence and make you more inclined to complete it.

Make a complaint in a restaurant if there is a problem with your order. If you would not usually complain about a problem then doing so is a good way to improve your confidence and assertiveness skills.

Stand up and ask a question at a public meeting or in a group. By doing this you are making yourself the centre of attention for a few minutes.

Volunteer to give a presentation or make a speech. For many people speaking to a group of people is a particularly scary prospect. The best way to overcome this fear and gain confidence is with experience.

Introduce yourself to somebody new. This could be somewhere where people have something in common - like at a party or a conference, making it potentially easier to have a conversation. Or you could talk to a complete stranger in a lift/elevator.

Wear something that will draw attention - such as a garish colour. Personal appearance is an important factor in self-esteem and people with lower self-esteem tend to try not to be noticed. Make a statement and stand out in a crowd!

Join a group or class in your community. You will potentially benefit in lots of different ways by meeting new local people and learning new things while improving your confidence.

Take an unfamiliar journey on public transport. Travelling to a new place using an unfamiliar route and with random people will make most people feel at least slightly uncomfortable.